blog
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9/12/2023 9:16am
hello again. i havent been up to much as of lately, just been drawing and working on the website. this week my ballet lessons are starting. i'm excited but also nervous. i haven't been in a studio since i was a small child so i'm not too sure what to expect, even though i've watched so many videos about starting ballet as an adult. i have the right clothes and i've been practicing at home; mainly just following youtube lessons to help strengthen my ankles. i know this might be a stretch but i'm hoping that if i keep sticking with ballet i can maybe get on pointe next year. but it'll also depend on my job situation too. we'll see how much i enjoy these in-person lessons along with practicing at home. maybe i'll finally be good at something that isn't just drawing finally, lol.
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9/3/2023 8:55am
teehee im back :) decided to replace the 'pics' page with the blog again, since i dont think the pics page on its own was very interesting. not that my thoughts are incredibly interesting either, but y'know, its cool to vomit my thoughts out somewhere.
currently, my life is in a weird spot. i lost my job the other day due to my mental health, no surprise there. i was off my medication for about 2 years since i thought i was okay; apparently im not haha. im back on my meds after going to the hospital again, and im talking to professionals so i guess thats good. i just got my new laptop yesterday which is why im finally able to update the webpage. ill be starting ballet lessons in a few weeks too and im very excited for that. lets hope i do well!! perhaps i could have a future in ballet? probably not, im 22 which is way too old to become professional at this point, lol. but thats okay, im just doing it for the love of the art.
other than all of that, i feel good. im happy to be back. :)
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4/3/2020 7:57pm
i had to leave work early today because i was getting incredibly anxious. i felt even worse when i left, because we're already so shorthanded due to the virus, but i needed to get home. my medication isn't working like it should, and i'm worried that i'm going to end up like i did before i started taking them. today, before i had to leave to work, i felt as anxious as i did before i was put on the meds. i recognized the feeling immediately. i hated it, it was hard to reason with myself. the medication is supposed to make it easier for me to reason with myself, but it was difficult. i take a small dosage though, so its not like raising it will be much of an issue. i don't even feel any bad side effects from the meds, which is a relief. maybe if they raise the dosage though ill start to feel them. i dunno. BPD and OCD stinks.
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4/1/2020 9:26pm
work was okay yesterday. a lady got mad at me because i couldn't let her into my store, but that's okay. i know things are tough for everyone right now, i just feel bad that i had to turn her away.
i had today off so i started working on another webpage that my family will be able to see. i don't want them to see this one because i don't really want them finding my other social media, lol. they'd find out a lot of things about me i don't feel like coming out about yet, like my gender identity or sexuality. the other webpage though will be safe for them to view without putting me into a scary and embarrassing position.
i just want this virus thing to be over. i'm tired of seeing it everywhere and im tired of how the world is running right now. i know there's nothing i can do, but it's still frustrating. of course i'm still going to self-quarantine because that's the right thing to do, but it's still annoying.
i changed the navigation bar today and im very proud of myself for figuring out frames! i'm learning new things everyday. i'll be adding some cool pages to this webpage soon, stay tuned!
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3/31/2020 8:51am
made some small changes to the page. added some cool buttons and a different guestbook so people can leave their websites linked now! i love seeing other peoples' webpages so im totally happy to have people link theirs to me if they have one. i love making new friends so why not.
today i have to work, ugh :( it sucks cuz of this whole virus thing too. i work in retail, but my store isnt open to the public for the next two weeks since we have a lot of stuff to catch up on. which is nice i suppose, since theres a low chance of disease being spread. i think all my coworkers self quarantine so we should be safe. i hope so anyway.
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3/30/2020 2:16pm
the website is finally done, fuck yeah. i hope i can continue to work on this site and add nice things to it!
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3/30/2020 12:05pm
still workin on the website, yay!